Archive for the ‘Men’s Health-Erectile Dysfunction’ Category

FAMILY AND GENERAL BACKGROUND: INTERPARENTAL ADJUSTMENT

Monday, March 30th, 2009

Every person interviewed was asked how his parents (or surrogate parents) got along together when he was in his middle teens. The responses to this question provide a fascinating picture, for one finds that the four groups with the best interparental adjustment are, in order, the heterosexual offenders vs. adults, the heterosexual offenders vs. minors, the control group, and the prison group. These are the groups whose sexual behavior is least taboo. Conversely, those sex offenders who used force, who were involved with girls under twelve, or who were convicted of homosexual offenses, all occupy the lower portion of the rank-order.

Beyond this, certain other trends may be seen. Whereas nearly all tripartite sex-offender groups have at least one of their subgroups far from the other two in the rank-order, the three homosexual-offender subgroups tend to form a more closely knit unit typified by poor interparental adjustment. The incest offenders vs. children, those who have broken not only the incest taboo but also the age taboo, present the worst picture of all.

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PROCTOCOLITIS, PROCTITIS, AND ENTERITIS: WHAT ARE THEY?

Friday, March 27th, 2009

incidence: common

cause: bacteria, viruses, protozoa; varies depending on the location of the infection

symptoms: rectal pain, discharge, diarrhea

treatment: directed at the underlying cause

WHAT ARE THEY? Proctocolitis, proctitis, and enteritis are intestinal syndromes caused by infection with bacteria, viruses, or protozoa that can be transmitted sexually as well as by nonsexual means. Proctocolitis is an infection and inflammation of the rectum as well as the colon. It is usually caused by shigella, salmonella, Campylobacter, Entamoeba histolytica, ox lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV) infections. Proctitis is an infection and inflammation of the rectum, lower than in proctocolitis, which is usually caused by gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, or syphilis. Enteritis is an infection and inflammation of the small intestine, which is usually caused by giardia or hepatitis A. In persons with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infection, enteritis may also be caused by cytomegalovirus Mycobacterium avium complex, isospora, salmonella infections.

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STD: HOW TO PROTECT FROM HERPES

Friday, March 27th, 2009

Finding that may hold promise for couples trying to prevent herpes transmission is that people with herpes who take antiherpes medications (acyclovir, famciclovir, valacyclovir) on a regular basis (or suppressivefy; see later discussion) have fewer outbreaks. In addition, there is evidence that the level of shedding of the virus is significantly lower when people take acyclovir on a suppressive basis. Studies are investigating whether the newer medications also suppress shedding of the virus. People taking these medications may have a lower likelihood of transmitting herpes to their partners, and studies are also under way to see if this is true. If so, these medications may provide an option for couples who want to do something more to prevent transmission.

Extensive research is being performed to find a vaccine to prevent people from ever becoming infected with herpes viruses. If it is proven effective, a herpes vaccine could join the already available hepatitis A and B vaccines in the prevention of sexually transmitted infection.

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STD: HOW ARE FUNGAL INFECTIONS TRANSMITTED?

Friday, March 27th, 2009

It is not clear where yeast comes from or how people become infected. What we do know is that fungal infections are not sexually transmitted, because those who are not sexually active can contract fungal infections of the genital area—although, as noted earlier, people who are sexually active seem to get them more frequently. We also know that the bacterium normally found in the vagina, Lactobacillus, offers women protection from yeast infections, because when the relative population size of this bacterium is disturbed yeast infection is more likely. And we know that treating the sexual partners of someone who has a yeast infection does not help the person with the infection.

Women who have sex only with women may pass yeast back and forth through the use of sex toys, although there is no scientific evidence for this theory. It has also been suggested that yeast colonization occurs in the gastrointestinal tract in most people and that reinfection of the genital area occurs from this source. However, studies have produced conflicting results: some women with recurrent vaginal yeast infections do not appear to have yeast colonization in the gastrointestinal tract, and treatment of gastrointestinal yeast has not affected the recurrence rate of vaginal yeast infections.

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WHAT IS “SAFE SEX”?

Friday, March 27th, 2009

ost people are aware that having unprotected sex with a partner carries a risk for infection with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and other sexually transmitted diseases. Nevertheless, twelve million people in the United States are infected with an STD each year. Why is this? Are they misinformed about STDs and how they are spread? Do they think they are not in a risk group? Do they deny the risk in the heat of the moment? Do they not understand what “safe sex” is and what it isn’t? All of these reasons and more explain why there is an epidemic of STDs in this country even in an age of increased media attention to the problem.

Eighty-five percent of people diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection are between the ages of fifteen and thirty. Since adolescence is a time when experimentation with sexuality begins, teenagers don’t have much chance of avoiding infection with an STD unless someone talks with them clearly and accurately about sexually transmitted infections and about exactly how to have safe sex. As earlier discussions in this book have made clear, the health and other consequences of STDs range from minor nuisances to major threats, even death. To protect yourself from infection is the first step. Acting on that understanding by only having sex that is safe is an investment in your future health, your ability to have children, your relationships, perhaps your livelihood, and even your life.

First a word of caution about what follows. Some of it may be overwhelming. As I have said before in this book, having sex always involves some risk, if not for a sexually transmitted infection, then an emotional risk. But it would be absurd to suggest that people should avoid sex altogether, for it is a natural part of life for most people. Rather my intent is to teach those who are sexually active how to recognize the symptoms if they have an STD, how to obtain appropriate testing and treatment to maintain sexual health , how to communicate about sex in a way that will help protect them from getting an STD, and, in this chapter, how to practice safe sex (or “safer sex,” as it is often called—which really means, things people can do to lower their risk of acquiring an STD.

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PROSTATE CANCER: A WORD ON THE DIGITAL RECTAL EXAM

Friday, March 27th, 2009

This is the part of the physical men would rather do without. It’s uncomfortable, but it doesn’t hurt, is generally brief, and it can provide essential information that simply can’t be gotten any other way. You may be asked to stand next to the examining table and bend forward slightly, or your doctor may prefer that you kneel on the table or lie on your side. Note: If what you’re feeling goes beyond the obvious discomfort of having someone’s finger in your rectum and is clearly pain, this could be an important signal of another problem, such as prostatitis. If the exam is painful, tell your doctor.

Many men dread having this test for another reason—their doctor’s bedside manner, or lack thereof. Some men even put off going to the doctor because they don’t want to deal with someone who is rude, gruff, disrespectful, uncommunicative, or generally unpleasant, and this is a terrible shame. Good doctors know how to make their patients feel at ease. They talk to their patients, and treat them with respect. If your doctor’s unfortunate bedside manner is keeping you away from this or any other exam, find another doctor. There are plenty of good ones out there. It’s your money—and more importantly, it’s your health!

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ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Our lovemaking sessions are getting shorter and shorter and they leave me unsatisfied. Two years after our wedding, it’s just a quick one two or three times a week.

It is quite understandable that you are disappointed. Your husband may have his faults, but are you sure you have done everything you could to prevent things deteriorating so? After two years of marriage, you should know what your husband likes, what his fantasies are, how he reacts when sex comes up in conversations and how he sees the ideal woman. Perhaps all that is needed is for you to take a few initiatives, introduce a little fantasy into your lovemaking ritual so that he and you can get more fun out of it and make it last longer.

My husband’s workload gets heavier all the time, and he gets home exhausted in the evening. He wants to sleep rather than make love, and in the morning he’s still snoring when I wake up at half past seven!

Try this. Tomorrow morning, get up at half past six, fix him a good breakfast and bring it to him in bed. People are in top form in the morning and have forgotten their troubles of the night before. Your husband will certainly take advantage of his extra half hour to take you up to the seventh heaven!

When I have my period, my husband insists I suck his penis. That wouldn’t be so bad, but because he knows I don’t like to swallow his sperm, he holds my head when he ejaculates to keep his penis in my mouth.

This is quite serious. You and your husband must do something, or your union will not last long. Your husband ought not to treat you like this, but your negative attitude is no solution – it will merely make him cling onto his fixed ideas.

You say: “he insists I suck his penis” – which suggests you find that abnormal. In fact this is common practice in a great many couples. I would advise you to take a positive attitude next time you have your period. Instead of “obeying” his “demands”, take the initiative and tell him you are going to give him a treat. Start what he wants you to do, and do it lovingly. When you see he is on the point of ejaculating, take your mouth away but masturbate him rapidly and tell him you like to watch when he comes. When it’s over, start again to caress his penis with your tongue and lips. I am certain he will not ask any more of you. You will have succeeded in satisfying him without feeling forced and without any reflex of disgust.

When we make love, my husband often makes me sit on him and asks me to caress my own breasts and clitoris in front of him.

I imagine you often used to caress yourself before you met your first man. You probably even did it in front of the mirror, and enjoyed watching yourself. Now you have a man instead of a mirror, and he is the one who watches and enjoys what he sees. Nothing could be more natural. Don’t hesitate to caress yourself in front of him, even without waiting to be asked. It is a good way of arousing his desire and yours.

My wife has weird ideas. When I get home from the office around half past seven, she often wants to make love right away. I think it would be more normal at bedtime.

First of all, in love nothing is “normal” or “abnormal”. People make love when they feel like it. The only trouble is that two people don’t always feel like it at the same time. Good relations in a couple depend on being available to each other. In any case you have a wife with imagination who shows you she is in love with you; you are a lucky man and ought not to complain!

Are there any statistics on how long lovemaking lasts on average, and how many times a week?

There are, but you would do best not to read them! The only thing that counts is that your wife and you personally make love as often as you like and for as long as you want. Do not put an alarm clock by the bed to see if you have beaten your record!

The other evening, just as we were going out to dine with friends, my husband took my panties off. I thought he wanted to make love, but he just wanted me to go out with no panties on. I felt uncomfortable all evening.

Have your read The Story of 01 It includes a scene like that, but O is then obliged to lift her dress every time she sits down so that her buttocks are in direct contact with the seat. And she is not allowed to close her knees.

In O’s case it is a matter of learning submission. Whatever one may think of it, that is eroticism. In your case, it is just a fancy your husband had. It also implies a sense of complicity that would normally have got you both excited as you dined with your friends.

My husband took me to see a porn film. I thought it was horrible. I know he has been to see other films; how can I stop him?

Careful! Broadly speaking, the worst thing you can do is to stop someone doing what they want. But your question deserves a more detailed answer.

You would be right to find certain scenes in these films “horrible” – with a few exceptions they are not even erotic. On the other hand, the fact that you do not go with him creates a hiatus between your way of seeing sexuality and his.

Here is one way of resolving the problem. The video clubs have cassettes of some quite well-made X films, far less vulgar than the films shown in porn cinemas. Next time your husband wants to see a porn film, suggest he hire a cassette and watch it on your video screen. In the first place you will not be bothered by the other people in the audience. And if there are scenes you don’t like, your video machine has a fast-wind button so you can skip a scene and just watch the scenes you find erotic or which show you something you would not have thought of on your own.

The girl I live with is the ideal lover, except for one detail: she will never let me into her anus.

If, as you say, it is just a detail, forget it! But if you begin to get obsessed by the idea, try to think objectively. Have you been too hasty? Be patient. Take every chance you can to get your partner used to anal caresses. Later, she will no doubt find it easier to let you insert a finger (preferably during intercourse). In the end she may find this agreeable. Only then should you try anal intercourse. But do not forget the most important thing: every act of sex should give pleasure to both partners. If it does not, you must not repeat it.

My wife does not want the light left on when we make love.

I guess she is very young, a bit shy, and not very sure of herself when she caresses you. Do not wait until you are in bed before you begin the foreplay. Caress her and ask her to caress you while you are watching television. Encourage her, tell her she is doing it just right and that you like to watch her do that. You will find she very soon comes to accept soft lighting when you make love.

Every time we make love, my husband continually calls me dirty names like bitch, slut, sow.

Do not worry. Many men behave like that. It is their way of letting off steam. It certainly does not stop your man loving you and respecting you. Pay no attention or, better still, play the game and jokingly call him a pig, a shit, an exhibitionist etc.

My husband reads porn magazines on the quiet. I find the pictures disgusting.

Your husband is like most men, and you are like most women! For a man, lovemaking is an exciting spectacle, be it in his own bed or in a magazine. Women are more sensitive to the “romantic wrappings” of love. When you see a pornographic photograph, two ideas come into your head: first you think you are not as sexy or attractive or beautiful. Next you think some of the poses and acts are degrading.

On the first point, do not worry. Your man is not making comparisons when he looks at this type of picture. He loves you the way you are. As to the second idea, tell yourself no pose or act is degrading when two people really love each other. Until you can accept this principle, you will leave your husband unsatisfied and you run the risk of losing him.

I have just read an article about battered wives, and it has got me worried because last week, my husband gave me a resounding spanking. And yet he is always so gentle with me…

There is nothing to worry about. If your husband were a brute you would know it by now. You say yourself he is usually very gentle.

You must understand the difference. A battered wife is beaten and ill-treated because her husband wants to punish her, or because he is violent by nature, or because he is drunk and has lost control of himself. A spanking is not a punishment, it is merely an erotic game. Next time, take it in fun and do not be surprised if you end up enjoying it. And there is nothing to stop you doing the same to your husband if you feel like it!

My wife and I sometimes have minor arguments, and those days she refuses to make love. Sometimes it can last several days.

You should talk to her about it openly. There are rows in every household. But making love is the best way of preventing lasting resentment. Moreover, when she deprives you of your sexual satisfaction she is depriving herself as well. It is often said that rows are settled in bed, and it is a good philosophy.

My husband gave me a fur coat That evening he had me get undressed and put on the coat to do things I daren’t describe.

I can see what you are thinking. You have the feeling you have been treated like a prostitute. If someone gives a present they should not expect payment. You are right, but in the first place no one gives a fur coat to a prostitute, and secondly it is perfectly natural for a man to expect thanks for a fine present. The pity is that he demanded the thanks. Would you have taken the initiative? Only you can answer.

I’m in love with a man fifteen years older than me, and he is married as well.

Whether he is married or not makes no difference. Most men fifteen years older than you are likely to be married!

For the moment, the fifteen year gap does not matter too much. It is likely to matter when you are fifty, but you have time to prepare for that when it comes. In any case your union may not last that long.

The important thing for you right now is to realize that he has already seen a lot of life, he has acquired his habits, and he may not want to start again with you, having to teach you everything from scratch. If you already have some experience and an open mind, everything should be fine. But if you are new to the game, try to learn fast or you may be heading for disappointment.

My husband often reads the small ads in the sex magazines. I’m afraid he may want to drag me into some wife-swapping scene or something…

Perhaps he is, but he is far more likely to be reading these ads because he finds them funny with their coy, ambiguous euphemisms. You ought to read them too and laugh. You will soon see how he reacts. If the worst comes to the worst tell yourself a mate-swapping session often goes no further, and is a lot less serious than if he had an affair behind your back.

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DEVIATIONS THAT INFRINGE THE LAW: RAPE

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

In legal terms, rape is copulation with a non-consenting female partner. Here we have one point on which the notion of equality between the sexes will never be able to smooth over the basic differences between men and women.

If a man complains of being raped by a woman, people will laugh in his face. If he insists and tries to take his case to trial, he will have to settle for a lesser charge like sequestration or illegal restraint. And in any case, this is a most improbable scenario, since most men are more likely to complain that women would never think of raping them!

The sentences imposed for rape vary enormously, depending on the age of the victim, the social role of the perpetrator, the circumstances, the severity of the bodily harm caused, the prejudices of the judge, etc.

It is perfectly right for rape to be severely punished. But the punishment should not be focused on the sex act as such; what should be punished is coercion, violence, interference with individual freedom. Nobody has the right to force anyone to do anything against their will.

There are fringe cases that the courts have difficulty dealing with: a woman raped by her husband or a prostitute raped by an uninvited customer. The courts tend to demand proof that the victim was not more or less willing.

The victim may also have to show that her dress and behaviour did not constitute an invitation to rape, or at least a mitigating circumstance for the rapist. A girl wearing a mini-skirt, no bra and a plunging neckline, hitching on a country roadside at two in the morning, will find it difficult to make police or courts take her seriously.

There are no statistics on the number of rapes actually committed annually. The number reported to the police is growing every year, however, probably because of the increasingly active movement of women’s self-help organizations.

In most cases rape is preceded by armed threats or violence, in order to overcome the victim’s resistance.

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OVERCOMING PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS: FEARS

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Fear of being “no good in bed”. This is a fear that holds you back, stops you taking initiatives, breaks the momentum. You do nothing for fear of doing it clumsily.

From what I have said in this book, you now know what a man expects of you. That is a first step. You now have to make the shift from theory to practice. Here too communication is important. Ask your partner if he likes what you are doing, talk to him while stimulating him, note his reactions and what he says. Be a perfectionist. No man expects you to become the ideal lover from one day to the next, and no woman expects that of a man. You have all your life ahead of you to reach the peak. Rather than turning in on yourself, take initiatives; use your imagination to find variations that will break the monotony of the usual ritual. And above all do not give the impression you are dutifully carrying out a chore. Do what you do attentively, enthusiastically, and with pleasure.

The fear of becoming pregnant. These days no one need become pregnant without wanting to. If you are not sufficiently well informed about ways of avoiding pregnancy, you will find some information in the chapter on contraception and family planning later on in this book.

Strangely enough, there are women who only reach a climax if they have no contraception and so stand a chance of becoming pregnant. And this is especially strongly felt at the most fertile stage of their menstrual cycle. These are rare cases, however.

Fear of orgasm. This is a more frequent inhibition than one might think. The sexual climax has been called the “little death”; you are afraid of passing out, of coming so intensely you lose all self control, of being at the mercy of the man who has made you come; you feel ashamed to have him hear if you involuntarily cry out or moan.

If you have never had an orgasm, begin by masturbating on your own. This way you will learn what you can expect to feel when you make love with your partner.

Remember your partner expects you to express your joy. On the contrary: he will feel frustrated if you do not give voice, whole-heartedly, to the pleasure he is giving you.

Many women do not have orgasms for the sole reason that they reject it – even if this is unconscious. Do not be one of them. Let yourself go. Most of all, let yourself shout out your enjoyment.

Other problems within the couple are due to a lessening, or even an absence, of the sex drive.

You have recently had a baby and you do not feel like making love.

This is perfectly natural even from a physical point of view, especially if it was a difficult birth. It takes six to eight weeks for the pain in the genital area to die down completely. Don’t hesitate to tell your partner. He may not have realized. He must go gently, and if he hurts you, you must tell him so kindly. Make up for a rather dry vagina with a gentle lubricant. Try to avoid reflex muscular contractions of the vagina: during intercourse, push as you learnt to do in labour.

The lack of desire may also have a psychological cause: a transfer of affection from the partner to the child. Watch out for this. Many men find new lovers soon after the arrival of a baby. Your maternal love must not be allowed to affect your sex life.

Another reason for low sex drive can be post-natal depression. If you feel severely depressed, don’t tell yourself it will sort itself out. See your doctor, this is the only way you will sort it out.

Whatever the reason for your lack of sexual appetite, remind yourself that your husband’s sexual needs and desires continue unchanged throughout your pregnancy and after. Do not leave him wanting! This is the best moment to perfect your skill in the art of fellatio.

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MASTURBATION TECHNIQUE: MASTURBATING A MAN

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Before she starts, the woman should settle into a comfortable position so as not to get tired while masturbating her man.

With the man lying on his back, the best position is to sit, knees bent, on his right side, leaning across his thighs with your weight on your left elbow and your left hand slid under his buttocks. Of course your face should be towards his face, so that he can touch your breasts.

Take the shaft of the penis in your right hand and slide the skin up and down the shaft. Do not close your eyes, but watch what you are doing. You should find this excites you too. Look at your partner’s face now and then to see how he is reacting.

Ask him if he wants you to go faster or slower, if he wants your fingers to squeeze harder or more gently. With a bit of practice you will learn to vary the style, change rhythm, switch from using the whole hand to using just the fingers, or roll the skin of the penis between your two flat palms. You can moisten one hand with saliva to gently stroke the glans while the other hand masturbates the shaft; you can also gently stroke and knead the scrotum.

At the moment of ejaculation, accelerate the to-and-fro movement until all the sperm has been evacuated. The glans is now highly sensitive. With sperm lubricating your hand, continue to caress glans and penis, but very lightly and very slowly. Do not stop until the penis is completely limp.

Another variant is for the man to kneel over the woman’s body, placing his penis between her breasts. She presses her breasts around the penis with her hands, while he thrusts it to and fro in the close fold between.

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