YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/SEX AND PROBLEMS OF DAILY LIVING: SEXUALITY’S DIRTY DOZEN

1. Loss

2. Parenting

3. Parenting parents

4. Work or career problems

5. Financial problems

6. Balancing outside relationships with marriage

7. Problems fitting recreation into relationship

8. Relocating, moving to a new home

9. Problems with transitional life phases

10. Insufficient time or poor time management

11. Counterproductiveness and ineffectiveness of institutions

12. Difficulties in living and loving according to morals, values, attitudes, and beliefs

The husbands’ and wives’ quotes were reported in the same order as the problems list above. This list represents some of the major obstacles to super marital sex. Go through the list one more time and assign points for your marriage on each item on a 0-to-10 scale, with 0 representing no such problems now and 10 representing severe problems in that category. Talk it over with your spouses and decide on a number value for each item.

The average score for the thousand couples on this test was 68 points of a maximum 120 “sexual stress points.” The average for four thousand other couples who took this brief test during some of my lectures was 53. The couples found it helpful to convert this score to a percentage by dividing their score by the total possible 120 points, resulting in about 44 percent of possible sexual stress points for the lecture groups who were not coming for specific sexual help and 57 percent for the clinic group. At five-year follow-up, the clinic couples averaged a score of 24, or 20 percent. Their stress points were significantly reduced because of time, treatment, improved sexual life, or change in life circumstances. I have never seen a couple accomplish super marital sex without significantly reducing their percentage on this test. This chapter is about ways in which you may reduce this percentage together as another step to super marital sexuality.

I tell my patients to remember three “grabbing” techniques when facing life’s transitional problems. These techniques include sup-tins each other, holding on to your sense of humor, even at the worst of times, and clinging to your belief system and the faith that your super marriage will be able to cope.

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