“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m cleaning the house. I’m giving it the thorough cleaning it needs. I’ve finally understood that if I want it to be done thoroughly, I’ll have to do it myself.”

“Have you gone crazy?”

“No, I’ve finally become sane and realized that the house has to be kept in a certain order. You’ve been right to clean it and arrange it as often as you do, but you haven’t gone far enough. It needs much more.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. What have you been lying around for? Get out of bed and give me a hand—the baseboards are filthy!”

“I just waxed and polished them yesterday.”

“I know, but there are still coffee stains on them. You need to really scrub them. Use the chlorinated Ajax.”

“May I ask why you’re in the nude?”

“That’s part of the cleaning process. I need to be in the purest, most natural state in order to convene with the natural state of the world and of our house. Cleanliness is next to virginity.”

“And what is the natural state of the world?”

“The natural state of the world? My dear, the natural state of the world is one of disorder and filth. Only through hard work and constant vigilance can we overcome this disorder and filth. Now please get up and give me a hand.”


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