ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS

Our lovemaking sessions are getting shorter and shorter and they leave me unsatisfied. Two years after our wedding, it’s just a quick one two or three times a week.

It is quite understandable that you are disappointed. Your husband may have his faults, but are you sure you have done everything you could to prevent things deteriorating so? After two years of marriage, you should know what your husband likes, what his fantasies are, how he reacts when sex comes up in conversations and how he sees the ideal woman. Perhaps all that is needed is for you to take a few initiatives, introduce a little fantasy into your lovemaking ritual so that he and you can get more fun out of it and make it last longer.

My husband’s workload gets heavier all the time, and he gets home exhausted in the evening. He wants to sleep rather than make love, and in the morning he’s still snoring when I wake up at half past seven!

Try this. Tomorrow morning, get up at half past six, fix him a good breakfast and bring it to him in bed. People are in top form in the morning and have forgotten their troubles of the night before. Your husband will certainly take advantage of his extra half hour to take you up to the seventh heaven!

When I have my period, my husband insists I suck his penis. That wouldn’t be so bad, but because he knows I don’t like to swallow his sperm, he holds my head when he ejaculates to keep his penis in my mouth.

This is quite serious. You and your husband must do something, or your union will not last long. Your husband ought not to treat you like this, but your negative attitude is no solution – it will merely make him cling onto his fixed ideas.

You say: “he insists I suck his penis” – which suggests you find that abnormal. In fact this is common practice in a great many couples. I would advise you to take a positive attitude next time you have your period. Instead of “obeying” his “demands”, take the initiative and tell him you are going to give him a treat. Start what he wants you to do, and do it lovingly. When you see he is on the point of ejaculating, take your mouth away but masturbate him rapidly and tell him you like to watch when he comes. When it’s over, start again to caress his penis with your tongue and lips. I am certain he will not ask any more of you. You will have succeeded in satisfying him without feeling forced and without any reflex of disgust.

When we make love, my husband often makes me sit on him and asks me to caress my own breasts and clitoris in front of him.

I imagine you often used to caress yourself before you met your first man. You probably even did it in front of the mirror, and enjoyed watching yourself. Now you have a man instead of a mirror, and he is the one who watches and enjoys what he sees. Nothing could be more natural. Don’t hesitate to caress yourself in front of him, even without waiting to be asked. It is a good way of arousing his desire and yours.

My wife has weird ideas. When I get home from the office around half past seven, she often wants to make love right away. I think it would be more normal at bedtime.

First of all, in love nothing is “normal” or “abnormal”. People make love when they feel like it. The only trouble is that two people don’t always feel like it at the same time. Good relations in a couple depend on being available to each other. In any case you have a wife with imagination who shows you she is in love with you; you are a lucky man and ought not to complain!

Are there any statistics on how long lovemaking lasts on average, and how many times a week?

There are, but you would do best not to read them! The only thing that counts is that your wife and you personally make love as often as you like and for as long as you want. Do not put an alarm clock by the bed to see if you have beaten your record!

The other evening, just as we were going out to dine with friends, my husband took my panties off. I thought he wanted to make love, but he just wanted me to go out with no panties on. I felt uncomfortable all evening.

Have your read The Story of 01 It includes a scene like that, but O is then obliged to lift her dress every time she sits down so that her buttocks are in direct contact with the seat. And she is not allowed to close her knees.

In O’s case it is a matter of learning submission. Whatever one may think of it, that is eroticism. In your case, it is just a fancy your husband had. It also implies a sense of complicity that would normally have got you both excited as you dined with your friends.

My husband took me to see a porn film. I thought it was horrible. I know he has been to see other films; how can I stop him?

Careful! Broadly speaking, the worst thing you can do is to stop someone doing what they want. But your question deserves a more detailed answer.

You would be right to find certain scenes in these films “horrible” – with a few exceptions they are not even erotic. On the other hand, the fact that you do not go with him creates a hiatus between your way of seeing sexuality and his.

Here is one way of resolving the problem. The video clubs have cassettes of some quite well-made X films, far less vulgar than the films shown in porn cinemas. Next time your husband wants to see a porn film, suggest he hire a cassette and watch it on your video screen. In the first place you will not be bothered by the other people in the audience. And if there are scenes you don’t like, your video machine has a fast-wind button so you can skip a scene and just watch the scenes you find erotic or which show you something you would not have thought of on your own.

The girl I live with is the ideal lover, except for one detail: she will never let me into her anus.

If, as you say, it is just a detail, forget it! But if you begin to get obsessed by the idea, try to think objectively. Have you been too hasty? Be patient. Take every chance you can to get your partner used to anal caresses. Later, she will no doubt find it easier to let you insert a finger (preferably during intercourse). In the end she may find this agreeable. Only then should you try anal intercourse. But do not forget the most important thing: every act of sex should give pleasure to both partners. If it does not, you must not repeat it.

My wife does not want the light left on when we make love.

I guess she is very young, a bit shy, and not very sure of herself when she caresses you. Do not wait until you are in bed before you begin the foreplay. Caress her and ask her to caress you while you are watching television. Encourage her, tell her she is doing it just right and that you like to watch her do that. You will find she very soon comes to accept soft lighting when you make love.

Every time we make love, my husband continually calls me dirty names like bitch, slut, sow.

Do not worry. Many men behave like that. It is their way of letting off steam. It certainly does not stop your man loving you and respecting you. Pay no attention or, better still, play the game and jokingly call him a pig, a shit, an exhibitionist etc.

My husband reads porn magazines on the quiet. I find the pictures disgusting.

Your husband is like most men, and you are like most women! For a man, lovemaking is an exciting spectacle, be it in his own bed or in a magazine. Women are more sensitive to the “romantic wrappings” of love. When you see a pornographic photograph, two ideas come into your head: first you think you are not as sexy or attractive or beautiful. Next you think some of the poses and acts are degrading.

On the first point, do not worry. Your man is not making comparisons when he looks at this type of picture. He loves you the way you are. As to the second idea, tell yourself no pose or act is degrading when two people really love each other. Until you can accept this principle, you will leave your husband unsatisfied and you run the risk of losing him.

I have just read an article about battered wives, and it has got me worried because last week, my husband gave me a resounding spanking. And yet he is always so gentle with me…

There is nothing to worry about. If your husband were a brute you would know it by now. You say yourself he is usually very gentle.

You must understand the difference. A battered wife is beaten and ill-treated because her husband wants to punish her, or because he is violent by nature, or because he is drunk and has lost control of himself. A spanking is not a punishment, it is merely an erotic game. Next time, take it in fun and do not be surprised if you end up enjoying it. And there is nothing to stop you doing the same to your husband if you feel like it!

My wife and I sometimes have minor arguments, and those days she refuses to make love. Sometimes it can last several days.

You should talk to her about it openly. There are rows in every household. But making love is the best way of preventing lasting resentment. Moreover, when she deprives you of your sexual satisfaction she is depriving herself as well. It is often said that rows are settled in bed, and it is a good philosophy.

My husband gave me a fur coat That evening he had me get undressed and put on the coat to do things I daren’t describe.

I can see what you are thinking. You have the feeling you have been treated like a prostitute. If someone gives a present they should not expect payment. You are right, but in the first place no one gives a fur coat to a prostitute, and secondly it is perfectly natural for a man to expect thanks for a fine present. The pity is that he demanded the thanks. Would you have taken the initiative? Only you can answer.

I’m in love with a man fifteen years older than me, and he is married as well.

Whether he is married or not makes no difference. Most men fifteen years older than you are likely to be married!

For the moment, the fifteen year gap does not matter too much. It is likely to matter when you are fifty, but you have time to prepare for that when it comes. In any case your union may not last that long.

The important thing for you right now is to realize that he has already seen a lot of life, he has acquired his habits, and he may not want to start again with you, having to teach you everything from scratch. If you already have some experience and an open mind, everything should be fine. But if you are new to the game, try to learn fast or you may be heading for disappointment.

My husband often reads the small ads in the sex magazines. I’m afraid he may want to drag me into some wife-swapping scene or something…

Perhaps he is, but he is far more likely to be reading these ads because he finds them funny with their coy, ambiguous euphemisms. You ought to read them too and laugh. You will soon see how he reacts. If the worst comes to the worst tell yourself a mate-swapping session often goes no further, and is a lot less serious than if he had an affair behind your back.

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